LBnuke

seriously strange night. started last night. nightmares. a string of them but i don’t remember most. the last one woke me up and it was horrible. don’t remember most of it just the end. too horrible to write about. wish i could stop thinking about it. at least buster is okay. buster’s our littlest cat for those out of the k&l crazy cat lady loop.

woke up disoriented. me and k went to the sfmoma to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit. it was great of course, but definitely did not help with my grasp of reality. started feeling weird again this evening. hard to tell what is real. i hate that. it scares me. feels like a current of electricity is moving through me. not high voltage like sometimes when i can’t stop moving. lower like a fizzle. everything seems kind of surreal. get confused. playing boggle w/k helped for a little while. haven’t played that in a long time. it was under the bed. watched eureka on tv. strange episode. space time continuum mind mess kind of stuff. strange day to have such extra strange media on. spent a short time in azeroth as well.

so, back to the dream. it freaks me completely out and i wake up. k wakes up and i tell her not to remind me that i had a bad dream if i forgot when i woke up for real. i usually forget. couldn’t forget this one. actually, forgot most of it. just remember the end. maybe stuck in my mind forever. might write about it if i thought it would help, but i don’t think it will and i think it would get stuck in someone else’s mind and that would be very bad.

after boggle tried to read. or maybe that was before, but fiction is also another bad place to be when you are not completely at grips with your grip on reality. no idea if that made any sense. don’t care. just writing to come back. couldn’t sleep. this is night 2 for those following along at home. not last night of the bad dream. had bad dreams anyway, but not as bad. just weird. electricity. freezing but it is not freezing here. was having trouble breathing earlier. not real trouble. the kind like before. real, but not really real. what? see what i mean? finally had to get up. sleep was not happening. hopefully it will eventually come.

wasn’t sure what to do. should i write? apparently so since that is the first thing i started doing. thought about playing but not really the best time to enter yet another world. thought about turning on im to see if maybe tc is awake. still might do that. would be nice to say hi. i think i will do that now. adium. i love adium. just as i suspected. hi tc.

sometimes writing helps find reality again. always a good thing. i think. when i get like this sometimes i have flashbacks to being a kid when this kind of thing used to happen. way more often than it does now. didn’t scare me like it does now. didn’t even know it was a problem. maybe it wasn’t. but now i’m not so sure. as suspected, writing is helping and i believe that I am back in the present moment of the present universe. thank goodness for that. electricity not gone yet. that part might be hormonal. funny how total randomness can occur at the same time each month. but it is not time to think about the actual randomness or non-randomness of randomly non-random things. seriously, this is what i am writing AFTER i have come back to reality? oy.

im-ing w/tc now. that is helping. thanks tc

tc is going to make an alt on my server, the scryers. that makes me happy. i will meet her there and show her around.

an offsite backup just started. mozy. so many automatic backups i can’t even keep track. i sure do hope they work when i need them. usually they do. almost always i can save something from time machine or daily clone. there have been a few times going in the way back archive machine that have saved my butt with client files.

WordPress 2.6 saves post revisions. have used it a bunch of times already.

backup is done. in game with tc.

that was fun. tc started a little druid and we leveled her to 2. nice to hang w/tc. feel better now. strangely enough going to azeroth landed me back in oakland.

Tawn and Teruna dancing in the road.

I am still having a very hard time with school, but I am tired of whining about it. Decided to take a break from driving myself insane and not getting anything done. It is several hours later and I realize that I am not miserable and exhausted anymore. Doesn’t help my school situation any, but it did wonders for my brain. Suddenly it is filled with happy things.

Saturday night, there was a VH1 Rock Honors show at UCLA’s Pauley Pavilion. It will be aired on VH1 on Thursday. VH1 has been having tons of Who stuff on lately. Makes me happy. The Who is one of my favorite bands of all time, and in particular, the one that made my teenagerhood bearable. Lots of performers played at the show including The Who, Pearl Jam, and Tenacious D. I also love the D.

Karate was very fun today. Only did actual karate for half the time, then heard some great stories about martial arts history and got to see a bunch of cool videos of our teacher learning from “the professor” (Professor Chow, I think). I love that kind of stuff. I like Kenpo. It is a lot like Cuong Nhu, but with more emphasis on the Chinese styles than the Japanese. I like my new school because daytime classes are very small and not as structured as night-time ones. I also like the teacher. He is patient and shows me things until I get them, then moves on to the next thing.

Speaking of good stories, I have been taking a break from Shikibee (main World of Warcraft character) and leveling a balance druid named Terunapekere on The Scryers realm. I want to be a moonkin. The Scryers is a role-playing server. I joined a great guild called Claws of Fury. I think I have had more interaction and done more things with this guild than with all of my other WoW guilds combined. It is more comfortable to interact for some reason. Role playing is fun. It is not required and there is plenty of OOC (Out of Character) chat, but it makes the whole game different. I had the level 70 blues with Shikibee and needed a break. I am not a big raider and got totally sick of the daily quests. The game was not fun like it used to be. Until I started playing Teruna.

Yesterday, we had a guild meeting in Thrall’s Chambers in Ogrimmar. Did I mention that Teruna is a hordie? We sat in a circle and the guild master, Grimstad, stood in front. First he made a few promotions, including Teruna. Then he promoted one of the members (Dreamwalker) to a special rank called Lore Keeper (or something like that). Dreamwalker then told us a great story about how thunder lizards got their lightening. He told the story on the /say channel which means any players in the nearby area could hear it. Other people sat down to listen to the story too and I read it out loud so K could hear it too. After that, we went to Gnomeregan and totally wiped, but it was lots of fun anyway.

Latest good thing of the day is that the update to WordPress 2.6-RC1, which I was doing while writing this in TextEdit, went without a hitch. I heart WordPress.

Update: 7/15/08 – update to WordPress 2.6 was just as smooth as RC1

Nice to think about good things for a change. Still no idea what I will do about school.

My brain has not been cooperating lately, but thankfully it seems to be taking a turn for the better these past couple of days.

Yesterday was the first day I was feeling good enough to get out of the house since Saturday, not including short trips to the BART station. Went to the library in the morning and helped my friend D move stuff in the afternoon. Amazing how a little fresh air can make everything better. The good company didn’t hurt either

When my brain is not working, it is very hard to get out of the house because I can not organize and implement the steps needed in order to leave the house. Things that should be happening automatically do not. Instead, it becomes a complex, often insurmountable task.

Steps needed to leave the house:

1. Remember that you are going to leave the house
2. Stop what you are doing
3. Get ready to leave
• Put on jacket, gloves, etc.
• Bring anything that is needed, i.e. backpack, library card
4. Don’t get sidetracked
5. Don’t start working again because you forgot you were going out
6. Think about destination or at least what direction to head out in
7. Don’t answer the phone because your client has a “quick question”.
8. If you do answer the phone, read the email, etc., do not think “This is easy. I will do it real fast before I leave.” because that will place you back at step 1.
9. Don’t get sidetracked
10. Say goodbye to cats and walk out the door

Speaking of being sidetracked, I almost forgot the 4 good things.

Good thing #1: K, aka Nikkyo, dings 70!

Congratulations K! We can finally quest together for real. Woo hoo

Good thing #2:
Renaeden’s repost of The Top Ten Terrific Traits of Autistic People.

Thanks Renaeden!

Good thing #3: FaceBook In Reality
Got a link to this in an email this morning. Cracked me up.

Good thing #4
Did I mention that I got out of the house yesterday? Old news by now. Good thing #4 is that I am going again out as soon as I complete the 10 steps listed above

Shikibee dinged level 70 yesterday

The ding:

Shikibee and Riverstar celebrate:

Translation: Shikibee is my main character in an online game called World of Warcraft. 70 is currently the highest level. It is a rite of passage for a game geek and unlocks a new level of gameplay. It is customary to say ‘ding!’ in the chat window when reaching a new level.