LBnuke

I dropped my classes. i am very sad about that, but relieved too. It was too much. So much work and trying to deal with meds (or lack of them). I just couldn’t keep up. It is very similar to what has always happened when I’ve tried to do school, but with one major difference. Since we actually learned by doing things, I still know everything I learned and can use it for my work.
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thought interrupted
split second -chop- to another
thought -chop- next </stop> come and gone
can’t even open a website what was i was going to do?

stuck can’t go out. have to go out. have to get out of here. can’t do anything here. typing. time goes by. can’t do anything. just type. have to get out of here. homework to do. can’t do it. at least final project is done. just a few more things to hand in and one peer review.

accidentally failed the database design class. thought the final assignment was due on sunday like in every other class, but it was due on thursday and grades were posted friday. confusing. but all the due dates were posted on the first page of the class at the top. green letters even. sux. i needed that class. have to take it again now. only half price. teacher said if i hand in assignment, i can still use it as a prerequisite for another class. maybe i’ll do that if it’s not too late. but i can’t even do it. it’s not even so hard. just can’t do it.

so hard to do things. stupid meds. fish oil didn’t do anything. went to see the doc a couple of days ago. increased dose of old meds. hopefully that will help but it takes a few weeks to start doing anything. no side effects yet except for being very tired. i hope it works. now it is 2/3 dose of old meds and 2/3 dose of new meds. can’t take full dose of new meds because it makes me stop breathing. old meds can have side effect of sudden fatal liver damage. wtf? supposedly it is less likely to happen if you are taking the drug for a long time. I have been taking it for a lot of years. i hope new dose works. things have been hard for so long. at least i can code.
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Things are good My client site is just about done, my meds are stabilized for the moment, and the Rolling Stones and Metallica rocked last night!

The highlight of the Stones show was when Mick and Lisa Fischer did a duet of Ray Charles’ “Nighttime is the Right Time”. I had never heard of Lisa Fischer before, but I hope to hear her again. She is AMAZING! This duet came directly after an awesome “Midnight Rambler” and some other excellent blues tunes. More great moments were “Sympathy For The Devil”, “It’s Only Rock ‘n’ Roll”, and the encores “You Can’t Always Get What You Want ” and “Satisfaction”. I am glad to have gotten to see them. I have always wanted to. Thanks K!

Metallica rocked as always The highlights of that show were “The Unforgiven”, me and K’s song “Nothing Else Matters”, “Master of Puppets”, and “Enter Sandman”. The crowd took a while to warm up (and show up) to Metallica, but in the end head bangers were born, and the band seemed very happy to be playing in their home town.

I decreased the dose of my old meds again recently, and I am having the very scary side effect of having trouble breathing. It is not new, but has gotten a lot worse lately. It is a side effect of the new meds. I get short of breath and light-headed until I can catch my breath again. My vision also gets blurry while it is happening. I didn’t mind it when it just happened once in a while, but now it is kind of freaking me out.

The doc says that the way I should decide what to do about the dosage is to see ‘how much I can stand’ of the side effect vs. how much I can stand being on a lower dose of the med. It is getting to the point where the side effect may be more than I can stand.

I’m not really sure what to do about it. I don’t want to keep taking my old meds. The brand name was discontinued because of some people having sudden fatal liver damage. I take the generic. Supposedly I am at lower risk because I’ve been taking it for so many years, and that ’side effect’ happens to people more new to the drug. Still it’s kind of freaky.

I can barely stand the thought about trying ANOTHER new drug. It is a crazy process every time. I hope I will find a good solution, but at the moment I am short of ideas.