LBnuke

Welcome to my bad mood

1 comment September 30th, 2005 723 views

i am tired. how long can one person be tired for?
not sleepy.
worn out. exhausted. useless.
my brain is slow. everything is hard.
i am less anemic. less weak.
but i can’t think
but i can think
i can think good and hard about things for 5 or 10 seconds

i’m tired of this shit
things are too busy
i don’t know how to make them less busy
there is less work now
that is good. even if it doesn’t pay.
think, think for a minute.
don’t get sidetracked.
i can’t. i try and try.
i just type. i don’t even know what the fuck i am typing but i keep on going because it is something to do that will keep my thoughts in a straight line for more than a few seconds.

text edit. i love it. the notepad of the mac. i use it about a billion times as much as word.
maybe safari is no. 1. firefox for web dev toolbar and site checking. text wrangler. love it.

i ignore internet explorer like i shouldn’t. just noticed today that lbnuke is looking kind of funny on it these days. but not so bad. i fixed the one thing that looked really dumb. now the main menu just has much bigger line spacing than on any other browser. stupid ie. i am too tired to design for ie glitches that will hopefully be fixed in next release. at least on my own site. stupid microsoft. i get sick of their shit sometimes. bill gates is an evil genius. i’ll give him that. i appreciate the genius part.

it has been a rough day. hard to leave the house. didn’t get out until late. picked up new glasses. i can see. amazing! i forgot what it was like to see sharp clear letters. maybe things will get better now that the haze is gone. i’m glad i went. sometimes it is good to have contact with other humans. k is very busy these days too. i miss her. october was going to be the quiet month. finally. but not anymore. all weekends are planned. some weeknights too. then come the holidays. and house guests. i am happy to have them. but i need to rest. i don’t know when it will happen. maybe in february?

Filed under: Random

Tags: life, ramble

Quadruples Therapy

Add comment September 30th, 2005 570 views

as k so eloquently put it… me, my partner, my former partner who used to also date my partner, and my former partners new partner, had a double date last night. at therapy. it is 5 years (almost to the day) that we have been trying to restore the peace.

i think maybe it was good. nice to meet the former partners new partner. she was very brave to come. i liked her.

we will all meet out in the real world sometime soon with a planned distraction and a time limit.

maybe it will be okay someday.

did i mention it’s been 5 years?

Filed under: Random

Tags: drama, life

Auties.org

Add comment September 29th, 2005 1,563 views

Donna Williams and some other like-minded folks have started a new website called Auties.org.

“Auties.org is a website to promote the entrepreneurial (self employment) skills of people diagnosed on the Autistic Spectrum world-wide and to provide links to Autie-Friendly businesses of various kinds.”

I particularly liked the ‘What is an Autism Spectrum Condition?’ explanation page.

I think this is a great idea and I would like to do my part in spreading the word. Visit the site for more information and links to ‘Autie-Entrepreneurs’ and ‘Autie-Friendly’ business listings.

Filed under: Autism / Asperger's

Tags: autism

Bird

1 comment September 28th, 2005 514 views

There is a young mourning dove perched on top of our curtain rod. Kito chased it in. There are feathers everywhere. I am not quite sure how to get it out. The front and back doors are open, and Kito is locked in the bedroom, but the bird is not moving. It looks like it is sleeping. I think I will try to chase it out with my bo. Sorry bird.

As it turns out, the bird is not at all afraid of me or my bo and I can’t bring myself to do anything besides tapping it lightly. This bird obviously knows who it is dealing with. Back to waiting…

At K’s very smart suggestion, I got the bird to perch on my bo, at which point Marley attacked it and it escaped to the mantle. I locked up Marley w/Kito and carried the bird outside. It can fly a little, but i think it may be injured. There is no blood, but it is still on the ground outside. Maybe it is just scared. At last check, it was standing outside in one of our little dirt squares that we like to call a garden.

At next check, the bird is gone. The cats are free. I will vacuum up a million feathers now.

Filed under: Random

Autastics

6 comments September 26th, 2005 1,626 views

I went to another autastics meeting yesterday in daly city. I liked it even better than the first one. It was a little easier to talk this time. Like last time, everybody was very nice. It still blows me away that there are so many people that are SO MUCH like me. For so long I thought there were none and that i was the biggest freak in the whole world. Suddenly, I am an aspie, crazily similar in so many ways to other aspie/autistic people, yet at the same time, we are as different from each other as all people are from each other.

The thing about the autastics meetings, is that there is a whole bunch of autistic people trying (and succeeding) to socialize and communicate. It is very different from socializing with other people. Of course, this whole story is a giant generalization, which I am sure isn’t true of all autistic people, but it is what I think based on the few meetings i’ve been to and other folks that I’ve met in the past 6 months. If you are one of the people I am generalizing about, and I have this all wrong, please let me know!
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Filed under: Autism / Asperger's

Tags: autism